[big baby]

look, i like the way you think, but sometimes - i think, your writing becomes dense. now, i say dense to not use negative words like bad or trite, but, the first two lines are wonderful. they describe something, heavy usage of what and how, and they continue.

ive tried to stray away from traditional hip hop writing, confining things into stanzas, even with the use of enjambment and fragmented stanzas still, sometimes, leave alot to be said.


Your tenderness is conscious, now it tempers militant acts

tempers militant acts was a bit too stretchy for me. you said what you hzd to say but i think you said it with the thought of trying to rhyme the previous stanza... even if you wanted to say that, it seems almost as if you were forced to say something within that realm - pertaining to the previous lines schematic format. I try to avoid this nowadays because... i think writing and poetry should be personal, unless you're trying to just flex random rhyming muscles, or are competing. it becomes too tried and tired for me and it doesnt do anything for me anymore. Not saying this was bad, but i feel you might be doing the same. The things people can create on here without the need for rhyming is pretty stellar and insane stuff. hope you eventually do the same.


Live with your facts; live with denial and live with the truth
I've aged well. She's smart but I don't think this bitch is a sleuth...

just doesnt do much for me. it just sounds like you're upset. just put anything out there. now i know when someone attacks me writing ill probably immediately go into the defensive or the apathetic. 'oh yeah, whatever i wasnt even really trying to finish that line and blah blah blah' and sometimes its true, sometimes i'll just not care. but, it just doenst seem to come from anything motivational. atleast the intent didnt seem like it was there.



the rest seemed pretty onto par on what my breakdown was. you seemed to fake, almost. almost having too rhyme. don't just rhyme, man. just write. who cares about rhyming. we all know the top tier rhymers here can rhyme pretty well.. doesnt matter at this point imo lol. if you can branch out and push out some high tier content without having too be so rhyme centric i think you can have some good stuff on your hands.


thx