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Old 10-12-2014, 01:56 PM   #17
Three-Planes-Aligned
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Soulstice - dawg, gotta stop doing those uneven bastard bar triplets - they mess my reading up something fierce. You have some insanely dope imagery in this, within the context of a slightly banal narration frame (and despite my starting with bitching about, a really nice and even flow with unconvential ABetc-patterns).

Darth Yoda - in tone and theme the piece that spoke to me personally more, but there's one explicit problems to me here: you should systematically cut out a few syllables from every line because it becomes cumbersome to fluid development of ideas. Nice creative writing overall, I took away some inspiration from this.

Close match with a worthy winner no matter which way it turns out, but I felt Soulstice had the more cohesive and focused effort
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