[Inno]

Pent up: Interesting and captivating intro, but it was the alien metaphor that sold it to me. That shit's deep in a straight forward way, sometimes your emotions just feel alien to yourself and the way you conveyed that was beautifully written. The natural reading flow of the questions and the trainsition back to the flow/rhymescheme shows great penmanship as well.

The flow and rhymescheme is fluid from there throughout the multi-section of 'fading in the grass/everlasting grasp' to the 'play my part break' and closes it off perfectly with 'frivolously laugh'. Nice, smooth flow of the story and great visuals too.

Enjoyed everything up to the 'take care of my parents' and 'fables and presents', couldn't quite get that to fit the way I was reading it. Definitely the weakest part in your story so far despite the fact they build on background of the story even more. I can enjoy that progression of the story but the execution could have been a lot better. You get back into it tho so not a serious hiccup but a hiccup nonetheless. And the story continues after that in the same fashion as before all the way to the 'unnamed events' part which was dope af, great questions and content that sparks thoughts in the readers head as well, at least it did that to me. Love this piece so far, not just the content and writing but the message as well.

Same issue as earlier in the start of the last verse regarding the rhyme in my head, I can't make it work for some reason. Might be the accent I'm reading or that I'm Norwegian, who knows? But I got to be honest and say I couldn't make 'start monetary' and 'far from the tree' to rhyme well enough for me for it to work as inteded and it ends up seeming like a lazy slant rhyme instead.
After that it's dope af again tho, love the conclusion and the rhymeflow of the last 8 lines. Overall this was really fucking solid and I enjoyed the verse throughout despite the hiccups I encountered. Shit was on point, dope and sparked genuine thoughts in myself as I was reading it, that shows quality to me as a reader imo.

Diablo: Dope picture, I was looking at that too for a moment but ended up not going for it so I'm happy someone did so I can see what their take on it was as opposed to my original idea. Let's head into it.

4 sentences in and it has already captivated me, good form on the flow and rhymes to start it off with as well. I enjoy your story as it progresses and I don't really feel like I need to go in depth on any of it since it's pretty much straight forward and fluent throughout, that was until I got to the 'used their leg strength' and 'food and nest eggs' part, just like with Pent Up I consider this as a hiccup, even though the flow is on point the rhyming isn't quite there for me, I can't make 'eggs' and 'strength' work in a satisfactory way and find no connections in the previous or following lines. That might an error on my part but it is what it is cus it seems to me you were going for something along the lines of 'Span of a week' and 'Adam and Eve' but that strategy didn't work for me at all here.

The flow also broke a little bit on the 'time as it grew' with 'societal rule' line, as the following up line after 'time as it grew' were too many syllables away and long in timing for me as opposed to the flow throughout your piece as a whole. I mean, I can make it work but it could have been even better as it felt stretched to me the way it is now. I'm nitpicky because the level you guys are at needs scrutiny at points like these in order for you to progress even further.
I also feel you could have removed 'it' in the next line, we already know what you're talking about so that word could be removed for a better flow and it'd sound better with 'smiled as I knew' which I think is a more important connection than 'societal rule' since it's more of a couplet and the transition works well enough like that as well imo.
You come right back on track with the next 2 lines tho, shits dope but the following couplet got slant rhymes again with 'asked' and 'began', from a flow standpoint it works but with a second look it's lazy to me but luckily 'civilian clacked' got it back on track, slant rhyme but it works a whole lot better here imo.

Now your piece gets interesting as fuck. I love how you make the ants think the same way as humans do with 'entity in the sky' shit. Perhaps that was your idea all along, that the ants are just a metaphor for human beings with the big bang that just happened etc? I'm reading on, enjoying this part in particular tho. As it goes on towards the closure of the verse I realize it might not be it but it's even more interesting thinking of it that way. Either way I fell in love with that closure, it was funny and dope at the same time.

Vote: This is going to be tough, both prowessed with writing with extremely few hiccups that I found while I was reading them. Diablo took a more straight forward approach which was refreshing, no overly deep shit intertwining concepts with another but still unique enough to warrant cred for its skill. Pent uP went with a more thoughtful and poetic approach to his story questioning human relations and where they stem from in a certain philosophical way. Two completely different concepts and approaches but equally great imo.

They both had a story and even though I thoroughly enjoyed Diablo's straight forward approach and might have enjoyed his verse a bit more from an entertainment aspect point of view Pent uP's take on the story and closure edged it in his favor. It sparked more questions and emotions in me while reading, and the ending had a certain 'damn, that's too on point for comfort' sting to it. Based on that MVGT Pent uP.