This was most pleasant. And though I know it was intended to be this way, the way you simply put your raw thoughts without any connotation felt a bit idle. At times you did, but they were for showmanship, rather than the actual adding of layer to the substance at hand. Don't get me wrong this was well written, but had a missing element of introspection. Converting the raw thoughts/ experiences into what all of this means to you. Rather than just portraying the reactions, the byproducts, you can also explore the vastness of what creates them. This is an internally derived piece written from feeling, yet where and why is this feeling recreated. Why does it continue to emerge, and from where does it submerge to. This are simply crude explanations of mine, but in truth what I mean to say is it did not have the contemplation that reflected your awareness. Rather it was just writings on the external stimuli effect on the internal state that man's contains within, and how it becomes riled up. This was obviously meant to be a piece that portrays "realness". But realness at times has an element of fabrication that lies at the heart of he who crafts it. The perception is well reflected, but not the seer. Though there are hints and glimpses of him, and he appears chaotic and emotional. Which is a major theme of this, which is quite good. But an exploration of the reason for the mania, or a deeper analysis of it through a metaphorical ambiance will certainly deepen the piece.
Anyways, my favorite part was this
I strain to divine the warm light that's stationed inside;
encased in the mind, but forsakend with tastes from the pipe.
so vacant and blight. these rations of contaminant sipped..
shaded yet shined. commanded to abandon the ship.
Stagnant, inanimate man akin to mannequins when,
a glass casket gets a grip upon the canvas within.
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