Adonis minus some spelling errors I thought this was deep and emotional...
But your trash is a gem, hidden then
tossed in a bin,
The circle of life is intense, Hunger is
a pyramid of events,
dope as fuck. reminds me of the food pyramid.
some lines didn't rhyme...
A foot soldier, draped in cap and
gown,
Hard headed yet witty, a perfect blend
for my city,
even this is the result of a stretched line or lack of rhyme.
very poetic at times and sometimes confusing still dope when it wants to be
Pinot I've been reading pieces from you since 2011 and the one thing that stand out is creativity. you wrote a piece called life as bullet and while the other guy described a bullet in numerous scenarios, you wrote from the perspective of a baseball team called the bullets. This piece carries that same level of ingenuity.
1. minority report
2.
3. Back to the future
4. clockwork orange
5. not a star wars fan so over my head
some lines can be redone but giving the writing exercise its excusable. all creative and exciting.
vote pinot. just a more engaging creative and entertaining piece
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zygote
Hopefully without offending anybody, Defy Gravity has created the most impressive initial submission from a new user to join the competition. Outperformed his opponent in terms of rhyme scheme
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