Witty, this was very good, love this sort of technicality and story arch and twisting. It come across so nonchalant so effortless, felt like u this wrote a day before the deadline, wouldn’t be surprised it that was true. last two lines before the last stanza made me realise what was going on , smile and emote a little lol, great impact. He was an icon to everyone else but (to this person) “he was just my little boy” very simple, sweet and precious ha, good job
Objective, this format is off putting, I see why u did it and to make it simple to follow, but this can be achieved in a less spoon-feeding way imo. Technically its fine and fits in, in a way to preference but I feel content is sacrificed too much to make the humpty dumpty rhyming patterns flowing throughout which can be a huge plus when executed right.
You got ‘objective’ in there lol
overall story, doesn’t seem to go anywhere of importance, just seemed like u wanted to show off your rhyming ability, the ending just had me like meh!?
both technically sound which how I like it, made them enjoyable reads but ill give the edge to Witty, his execution gets him the win this time!
|