This flowed pretty decent throughout. Did you take any inspiration from symertrik's verse from the GWL last week? Very similar subject is why I ask. I think this could have used some bigger bits of imagery and honestly though everything rhymed it just kind of felt blah to me at some points like you were rhyming just to rhyme. I'd put a further emphasis on storyline your next outing. Keep your reader's attention a little bit more because my mind started coasting through this at a certain point without ever really feeling engaged
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