[patrown]

iambent - opened real hard. real.. real throughout. can't really offer any bits of criticism. i do see a lot of insight here though. the situation a criminal/addict may find his or her self in, or.. one who doesn't cut it out will be in one way or the other - not often explored from this perspective. a bit melancholy while refreshingly cut and dry. definitely enjoyed the approach, rhymes, and mechanics. i took the red tentacles as iv's.. ending with a feen dying in the operating table.
favorite lines..
I'm screaming with glee! Feeling relief, gorging and guzzling
This desert sea is like a city... gorgeous and bustling..
Redemption! I'm sent to warm joy from cold shame
A sacrifice made by a horse with no name...
i love that song, but you gave the phrase your own twist here
and i fucking felt it.
to recap.. original song..

After nine days, I let the horse run free,
'Cause the desert had turned to sea.
There were plants and birds, and rocks and things,
There was sand and hills and rings.
The ocean is a desert, with it's life underground,
And a perfect disguise above.
Under the cities lies, a heart made of ground,
But the humans will give no love.

oh god, does that ever reflect on your point. our addiction is a product of our misfortune. but we ride both into the same bits of sand, which are taken back into the ocean, by nature. power.. beating against reason, "baptized by a mightier sweat," molding life into a product of nature. that's real, that's irrefutable. i think looking at this piece as a whole opened my eyes up.
personally, i don't think the lyrics or story behind a song/movie inspiring a piece should be excluded from votes if they can be related to the main topic. and i've listened to that song many, many, many times.

i never understood it as well before today, but never really reviewed it. in a way, you were pointing out how the picture topic could be from the originals booklet, and expanding. did i mention it was written by "america?" just checking... cuz that opens up a larger metaphor the entire piece plays into.
derp. anyway, i thoroughly enjoyed a song i know quite well explained by a piece i relate to immensely. wonderful. really.

adonis - how to throw a skipping stone? iono. snatch a flat rock between a seven and eight count.. that moment in time, "thrown at a picture." my aspirations. enjoyed the abstract wording throughout.
"And the apex is met by gathering accolades from the matter composed,"
You just dick slapped that picture with that phrase. Hah. only way i could say that.
accolade (2.)
a light touch on the shoulder with the flat side of the sword or formerly by an embrace, done in the ceremony of conferring knighthood.
hoping we knew this word for "award" also meant "^".
So in a way.. the words you've used here, we're explaining the farthest depth of the piece at an appropriate point in its development. now.. into your observations..
I posses too much soul for poems, and rap is merely for fun,
So the fine line between withering and full bloom depends on the sun
Will she scorch my leaves? Giving a fine char to my bark,
Or play coy, and send sporadic kisses when clouds part?

Alright. So here, you're delving into your main observations as a writer, or artists. however, i detect an influence at odds with its production. here. feel me? what we see is who we are. who were are, is what we write.. but what we write, is wholly dependent, on the energy we're able to take in from our influences.. which is in turn.. dependent on the state of our understanding, which in turn relates to the atmosphere our influences are able to give us energy from... .. hah. too hard to explain. but i feel you, deep down, in the pit of my stomache. i get what you're saying.

in my honest opinion. you did a really fucking good job of eloquently explaining your motives as a writer. perhaps even, your inspirations. but i didn't grasp from this a strong enough point to say this wonderfully worded piece undoubtedly won.

No twisted plot or killer rhyme, Just swimming thoughts combined,

FUCK i wish you had a twisted plot in with these killer rhymes. i just.. couldn't detect it, if it was there.

/v bent- if i were of the opinion.. "a piece stands alone.." i would give this to adonis. but i'm not.
i want to vote adonis. i do. but i can't. i drew too much from what i know, where bent turned me onto some observation i couldn't have made myself and related it to some other shit.
because, well. our intellects are products of our environment. and i've imagined riding a horse with no name before.
it just wasn't ever quite this interesting.