IamBent: Fuck, the beauty in this verse is magnificent. The flow is on point and the rhymesceme technical but yet easy to read. The storyline progresses well and there's no hiccups that can I see in terms of your verse. As it's getting closer to the end it seems like your verse takes a drastic turn, at times it was rather hard to figure out what you were going for as I understood it was his feelings you were talking about but the last lines wraps it up nicely. Thoroughly enjoyed the read.
Quote:
I realize I'm baptized in..a mightier sweat? This can't be correct..
I smell.. the SEA! A breeze beyond belief sweeps me to my feet
I see the greenest tree, viridian beads that feed underneath
An aquamarine bleeding onto the beach, healing with heaves
I'm screaming with glee! Feeling relief, gorging and guzzling
This desert sea is like a city... gorgeous and bustling..
Redemption! I'm sent to warm joy from cold shame
A sacrifice made by a horse with no name...
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Loved this section as well.
Adonis: When I started reading this I wondered where the fuck you were going with it. I mostly dislike the shit out of verses that got talks about writing etc. in it. But I was delighted to learn that this was an amazing piece. Seems to me that in your verse you describe the nature of writing, basicly what Sage Francis says in one of his songs describes your approach; ''this is poems vs. better raps''.
Seriously, I REALLY dug this shit;
Quote:
A hum and a whistle; a skipping stone thrown at a picture,
A most confused muse when knowledge has grown into ripples,
Reaching uncharted depths where writing feeds a ravenous soul,
And the apex is met by gathering accolades from the matter composed,
The hook, line and sinker is the dust storm covering roads,
But I've the cognizance to turn back when the path is exposed,
I posses too much soul for poems, and rap is merely for fun,
So the fine line between withering and full bloom depends on the sun
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That along with the picture was really well done.
Vote: IamBent posted a really dope verse and stayed on topic while conveying a great story about a man with an addiction and his emotional journey as he gets towards his next fix, and Adonis took a creative approach as well by writing a piece that talks about his views on poems vs raps in text-form.
Overall I felt IamBent had the better story, but there was more elegance and enjoyable approach in Adonis's verse imo. I've read both stories 2-3 times and it's SERIOUSLY close, but I'm sad to say I am leaning towards Adonis in this match IamBent, I hope you hold no grudge against me, lmfao.
But word, this shit was close as fuck and could go either way but I got to
give @Adonis the vote for an overall more enjoyable and well crafted verse with a creative approach imho.
Battle of the titans, hah!