Inno-
Your verse really takes off; I feel like I walked into a theatre in the middle of a drama. I loved how it did this.
My favorite section:
Smearing colorless hues
Windows covered in rainbows
Still i soak in the rain poured
Life on repeat. Groundhog symptoms
Waking up to the same old darkness
Wishing for a shade to rest my eyes on
But the soot billows beneath my iris
An eternal blink, sinking between eyelashes
..This is such an intact mixture of rhythm and cohesiveness within the narrative. "But the soot billows beneath my iris".. Jesus Christ. That's a fucking fantastic line particularly within the verse.
The second half, I really love this:
Tingling the roots until my brain waltz'
As i collapse within the rhythm
Tasting the trees
I get tongue tied within the leafs
.. I'm a sucker for natural imagery so this really contributes a lot to the piece.
Deadman-
The speed and the cadence really picks up as the verse moves. You really made it breathe when it needed to, and it felt urgent when it needed to. I love that it was personal and as with any successful personal piece- it cuts deep.
Some of my favorite lines:
only a room. 4 corners. plaster and stone
bedframe cabinets clothes. rolling rocks, gathering mold
i would thumbtack old tapestries and sketches and posters
bring my kodak into walgreens to develop my photos
..The rhythm is immediate and you do a great job at almost making it feel like the piece started the way it does because it had to. you needed a deep breath. it clearly pours out of you.
sleeping in til after daylight
palace made of plastic trays
my shelves were stacks of milk crates in this
water damaged palisade
defenses high, my Castlevania.
..This is just golden. Love this just because.
Alllllright. Two very different styles and very different interpretations of the image. I think my choice could change depending on the time of the fucking day. Great verses, you two.
Vote - dead man
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