Ahem.
*Clears throat*
With the Covid-19 coronavirus spreading
it was thought most were likely to suffer mild infections.
They said “A high percentage of patients stand to survive,”
but we’re finding seven months on, all of that was a lie.
The pandemics rise proved the economies fall
businesses crashed overnight, leaving no jobs for the poor.
Food stocks are in short supply but no one listened
so now were locking our doors to keep our social distance.
The homes we live in are open prisons on every city corner
and quickly thought of as little more than bricks and mortar.
This is more than strictly hoarding all the cans on a shelf
it’s kill in order to survive — with every man for themselves.
Scavengers selfishly scour the perimeter to talk in private
of me having a beltin’ barbecue, with ‘em all invited!
Before this virus most of them couldn’t stand me either
but all the nights in isolation must have given ‘em cabin fever.
“We’ll stand two meters apart,” I lied through my teeth.
“but if I catch you sneezing, you’re gone!”
Hey, a guy has to eat.
I fire up the Beefeater 3000 and wait for them to arrive
applying a seasoning of all the pepper I can desperately find.
I set them aside a couple plates so all was looking legit
hungry as shit, but well.. what’s a couple of ribs for a couple of ribs?
It was double or quits, I stood at a distance to keep an eye
on the voluptuous victims eating while that first sneeze arrives!
I see the quietly building tickle as their noses start to twitch
their teary eyes were clearly signs of a closely guarded sniff!
Do you know hard it is waiting for someone to sneeze
when they won’t regardless since they know just where it leads!?
When one interrupted proceedings with an “Atchoo!” spat in my face
I struck him immediately -
Ending it the same way this all began... with a bat to the face.
