Netcees - View Single Post - Round 3 - Quarterfinals: MMLP vs. Razah

UnbornBuddha · 06-22-2015, 01:04 AM

Such an intriguing picture, very catchy.

MMLP: I think if you take the war approach, one has to add something that is captivating. The whole scenery of the battle was a bit insipid and didn't cause a neurological excitement within myself as a reader. I mean its war, its supposed to be ferocious, and grasping. But, then I get to the end and it was a child playing toys. I'm a sap for tales of innocence and childlike things, which includes stories. While, I did like the end I felt the rest of the battle, which was most of the verse lacked the imagination that a child would have. I mean speaking from myself, as a child when I played toys I would create this great epic adventures with heroes, and villains, it was truly visionary, in my opinion. I was most creative and imaginative as a kid, and you didn't capture this vivid imagination that a child possesses. Nevertheless, a decent verse that I liked the ending, and the approach more than your opponent. But, could have been pulled off with more power.

Razah: I felt you took a similar route to last week's. Yes, the message is somewhat dissimilar, but the approach and the way you attempt to draw the reader in was almost the same. While, I greatly enjoy reflective pieces, there always is this metaphorical tools that are available and can make the literary approach more varied. That said, because of the smooth delivery, and flow this still draws the reader in. It's very emotional and deconstructive in its questions, pointing to you and then me, and all this words bring a connection. But, it's a connection that is built on the foundation of resonance. While, this is an important aspect, I do like to see other literacy tools being utilized, more imagery, and progressive narrative. In fact, I felt you tried to capture the essence of the emotion portrayed, but did not really address any detail of the picture. There's a giant dragon-like leviathan behemoth that is there, and could have added more a narrative sense, instead of just playing to the emotional sense. I mean you mention monster and beat, but it was broad and only served to complement what you were already doing. I mean it's an abstract tournament, but still...

Vote: Razah for a more resonant approach, and a better delivery.

06-22-2015, 01:04 AM	#8
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856375	Such an intriguing picture, very catchy. MMLP: I think if you take the war approach, one has to add something that is captivating. The whole scenery of the battle was a bit insipid and didn't cause a neurological excitement within myself as a reader. I mean its war, its supposed to be ferocious, and grasping. But, then I get to the end and it was a child playing toys. I'm a sap for tales of innocence and childlike things, which includes stories. While, I did like the end I felt the rest of the battle, which was most of the verse lacked the imagination that a child would have. I mean speaking from myself, as a child when I played toys I would create this great epic adventures with heroes, and villains, it was truly visionary, in my opinion. I was most creative and imaginative as a kid, and you didn't capture this vivid imagination that a child possesses. Nevertheless, a decent verse that I liked the ending, and the approach more than your opponent. But, could have been pulled off with more power. Razah: I felt you took a similar route to last week's. Yes, the message is somewhat dissimilar, but the approach and the way you attempt to draw the reader in was almost the same. While, I greatly enjoy reflective pieces, there always is this metaphorical tools that are available and can make the literary approach more varied. That said, because of the smooth delivery, and flow this still draws the reader in. It's very emotional and deconstructive in its questions, pointing to you and then me, and all this words bring a connection. But, it's a connection that is built on the foundation of resonance. While, this is an important aspect, I do like to see other literacy tools being utilized, more imagery, and progressive narrative. In fact, I felt you tried to capture the essence of the emotion portrayed, but did not really address any detail of the picture. There's a giant dragon-like leviathan behemoth that is there, and could have added more a narrative sense, instead of just playing to the emotional sense. I mean you mention monster and beat, but it was broad and only served to complement what you were already doing. I mean it's an abstract tournament, but still... Vote: Razah for a more resonant approach, and a better delivery.