this is not going to be a long vote from me.
baron -- very well-written and seemingly refined (heavily) to an enviable smoothness. could say it was succinct. i have to revere your formative and structural strength because it's impressive - there's a patent didactic quality which i've accused oats of having several times, although his seems more rooted in (his own) moralistic fibre whereas yours (for the most part) is emotionally detached and feels as if it informs for the sake of informing. imagine a rhymed textbook. that's what your recent verses have reminded me of, although i would say i preferred the alpha/beta one to this because it had (more) character. i fully understand your scope, i appreciate the execution, and i can't deny that you conjured a good to great topical. for the same reasons: this fell, and felt a bit flat. much of the expression felt prosaic and even unambitious at times. i wouldn't say you played it safe, but there is a lack of bravado about this entry. it might seem like a strange criticism and in the wake of incompetent voters i've always tried to take a body of writing for what it is, and for me, personally, this was a stellar piece of writing that didn't exactly resonate, i guess you could say. i like things that belie their ostensible meaning. i don't want to be spoon-fed.
blacketh -- inventive. almost inspiring. the repetition of giants, mighty giants was extremely effective... gave your whimsical, wandering abstractions that little bit of spine to anchor to. it wasn't perfect, it felt a bit rough around the edges at times. a myriad of references interspersed the narrative - you curbed your style to create a vulgar-esque mythology, and it staggered on the edge of obscurity perhaps a bit more than you should have allowed it to. or should i say abstruse. i still dislike the the 'lazier' occasions in your writing where you seem to list things, throwing vague echoes together to force an ambiguity down our throats. it can hurt the fluidity, but it's a staple of your (almost) inimitable style, a hallmark, and of the reasons i enjoy the aspiration of your writing. sometimes i view them as pretensions, other times the energy resonates with me and, ironically, my mind is pulled into your verse while being pushed into an unreal ramble - a walk, not a rant. maybe both. ultimately, i enjoy that paradox, quite a bit. the rhyming was stellar and felt pretty organic. i don't recall you over-writing a scheme. transitions were beautiful. the story was epic. felt Homeric with a sprinkle of the spirit (molecule). found myself re-reading it a few times and that's one of the key distinctions i took between the two verses.
v/black
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