[Rude]

SYMETRIK

The Last Five Minutes
I woke to the morning mist gripped 'round my curious feet,
which peeked out beneath sleep and the comfort of down sheets
considering clouds that creep through town corridors soundless,
carefully scouting the day's dawn, diligent to the dangers of braving the mountains.
... out here, the sun rays that break through are both breath-taking and countless.
"the ground's cold and needs leaves" - the first thing that Firbolgs teach
cuz the dirt will leach heat 'til your brains freeze and teeth birth words of slurred speech.
the earth's cursed and doesn't mean to worsen the physique,
it's just trying to be nourishing the weak, while birds dirge a ditty sitting pretty in the trees.

I like that you went for imagery right here setting the scene. There were definitely some great spots of flow and rhyme patterns as well as poetic devices that showcased skill.
However, the first 2 lines keep me detached from the photo topic, as the character here
is obviously detached from the scene themselves. Kind of paints the picture of a gamer waking up in bed getting ready to sign onto his favorite RPG game. Maybe that's what you're going for, we'll see.

but right... me. I'm 23, 5'8", and my name's Regan,
and recently, I've been receiving the awfulest treatment.
I've been framed for maiming sheep... and accidentally summoning demons.

Ok yeah definitely getting the RPG/Video game vibe from this.

people decreed I released evil behemoths... granted their freedom.
single-handedly chanted, standing and bleeding to seemingly plan an agreement.

This part was flow af. Hands down the best couplet so far.

the whole damn panic expanded from phantoms that roamed roads,
not to mention the ***kling crows, flown where the bones grow.
omens of woe, rattling-chains-in-a-robe and the feeling of hope? low.
I suppose the sole secret, who planted the seed "heathen" only Odin would know.

ahh I like the last two lines here as well for the repetitive rhyming patterns and multis.
Reads so clean.

it's time to wrap up, enough flashbacks
cuz only moments ago, they noticed my actual tracks.
I was caught on my own, casually strolling 'til three twigs tangibly snapped.
17, and you're frozen! ah... somatic and spoken, the classic components of magical traps.

love the last two lines here too, the inners and multis just work so well together.

bzzt and lost focus, note it: you're binded and defeaned.
awesomely ended... I'm already excited to write the next session!

So based on what I read I came to 3 conclusions...
1. The protagonist here is a gamer in a RPG game.
2. They are LARPing.
3. They are an author/writer, and this is adding onto the ongoing story.

in any case they're all cool. I'd choose option 3 if i had to guess at one.
The only con I see here is you spent that first large chunk of material
with imagery on the forest and not on the actual action you see in the scene.




KING RA

I am.... surrounded.
It's astounding, how did I manage to get caught?
They say that 'battles are won, wars are lost'-
my heart is pounding.
Three armed adversaries trot around me,
how could this had possibly happen?
O' Mighty One, hear my cry,
for I know nothing at all, I'm saddened.

Ohh I gotta say at first glance I would have never seen the archers in the corners of the picture, you definitely made me go back and look again because all I seen was the person in the center and the one on horseback. I also didn't realize the man in the center was being trapped at first, honestly assumed he was casting a spell of some sort. (although I picked the last part up reading Sym's verse) Great way to use imagery to draw attention to detail on the archers though. love this section it feel genuine, like a plea for help in a life or death situation.

Yo-
A gatherer of sorcerer's stones that gives one logic & power,
wisdom & knowledge to rise above it all and conquer the hours.
Enemies cowered and crawled, devoured, skulls cracked and scattered,
no matter the call, I made sure their blood splattered the walls.

I like the unpredictable pattern of rhyme here.

These were times of ancient scribes who scribbled rhymes of reason,
hieroglyphs were riddles, signs decoded by minds of genius.
Wizards went to war against warlocks, hooded thieves practiced the art of the steal,
magic was a mastered craft that only the iron hearted could wield.

I like the story so far, I'm hooked in. I like the alliteration that you put on the Wizards went to war line, however it did seem a bit long winded to try to say outloud - compared to the rest of the lines.

I studied the stars and drew maps of God's throne in the heavens,
I bent time at my will & might, turning minutes to seconds.
Growing stronger by the day, I felt the pleasure of unleashing a savage rage,
parting seas that formed tidal waves, cities turned to underwater graves.

last two lines seem like they're alluding to the lost city of Atlantis, if so - bravo.
That was cool little easter egg.. if not - it fits and is happy accident.

Most would say I was brave, others would say that I was too prideful,
maybe that's when it started, the loss of respect, not being mindful.

I like this part although it's not directly related, it does bare some allusion to the famous
Spider-man quote "with great power comes great responsibility"

I roamed the forest that day and got caught in a trap,
my adversaries came out of the shadows and started to clap.
The witch sat atop of her stallion and starting chanting a spell,
a hole in the earth formed, opened up and I saw the fires of hell.
I tried my best to escape the grasp of the pentagrams streams
but with each attempt, pain struck my core violently- I started to scream.

Its cool that you gave personality to the bg characters (i.e. the person on the horse is now a female witch - it gives the story more depth) I like the ending here.
Another superhero movie quote this reminds me of is "Absolute power corrupts absolutely"
I feel like that was something else displayed through the story here.

I am.... surrounded.
It's astounding, how did I manage to get caught?
They say that 'battles are won, wars are lost'-
my heart is pounding.
Three armed adversaries trot around me,
how could this had possibly happen?
O' Mighty One, hear my cry,
for I know nothing at all, I'm saddened.

I like that you repeated the first stanza again, it made this like a book or movie that starts in medias res, where you're not sure of the context. At the beginning you could assume that the
protagonist here is being hunted for who only knows, usually the first train of thought is he is innocent - why are these people hunting him down? and by the end of the story you've turned the protagonist into the antagonist that was corrupted by the power he sought.





VOTE
I am not sure if my vote will count as I signed up for next week and missed out this week.
If it does ...(if not - disregard and let it be feedback)

mvgt King Ra for a more consistent/completely enveloping storyline