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Old 07-31-2016, 04:10 PM   #8
Mr. J
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Buddha, for the most part I really enjoyed your piece.
its more out of your comfort zone which makes it unique
I disliked the random placing of Voila in the beginning...
I just felt that it made that whole sequence kind of bumpy
there were a few spelling errors scattered throughout though.
after I finished loln at Van Goth I enjoyed the mannequin line
the whole touching on artistry reminded me of an old piece I did.
I was thinking about touching it up but cant find it :(
otherwise the ending felt like it didnt fit with your piece.
if you are going to Salsa in your piece make sure your partner follows
you took a step back & added the female a tad later than you should.
either way this was a cool piece.

Frank, *sigh* yea this was cool...but why? why? you should switch it up...
you have the ability to craft a nice piece with the rate you are getting your groove back
I enjoy how you are capable of capitalizing with this concoction of creativity
you come correct each chance you connect with a challenger such as Complex...
but I swear to god if I have to read another short story from you maaaaan...
either way I thought that this was one of your more complete verses.
you overwrite a line but the ending came at the perfect time...you didnt write 70 lines
you learned to control yourself and that is admirable because this was a great piece.

v/Frank

overall this was a cool battle, I enjoyed both works
both had their faults with spelling & words that dont exist.............
but they both came correct, one was more enjoyable than the other..
I felt Buddha should have focused on the woman more than name dropping artists.
I get that its kind of...possibly very hard to come up with a piece to this pic...
Frank had a bumpy start but after the first 20 lines its great....joking.
after the first 4 lines Frank picks it up & runs with it like you would expect.
would have appreciated a more balanced battle but Frank got this in my eyes
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