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Ouch i get it bro
i lost both my grandpas to alcoholism, one before i was born. it runs heavy on both sides of my family. used to pick my mom up at the bar at 2am on school nights when i was 15, helping her to the car and shit. dad always starts drinkin on the job around 10 or 11, he's a carpenter, never once seen him drive without a few road pops by his side tbh
i remember when i was bartending and i would make people at my tables come grab their martini off the bar because secretly my hands shook too much to securely hand it to them at their table
got open container, public intox, dui & possession of drugs all within a year at 25 and got the fuck out of ohio
once i got to cali my drinking dropped 90% mostly because i stopped hanging out with people that drink and i found new passions