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Old 04-28-2019, 11:26 PM   #2
DMS
DMS—Diddled My Stick
 
Join Date: May 2018
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sinacog View Post
20 Lines...


gonna commentate now and use this to vote later

I got a beast smith n' wesson' - the teacher's pet known to teach you a lesson
I'm evil in sessions; 'blue will cop out' like police with depression

meh, I find no gripe except its general lack of skill.


I have a uzi and techs' bitch; I have the answer - you're losing the question
Floozy' and reckless; If 'blue's block on top' we're talking losing in Tetris


doesn't work as a wordplay and isn't s/p, just 2 1 liners


I have a book of psalms; donkey kicks make your face hotter than the sun
I'll diminish your plot; and I know why you 'horse around with woman a lot' - because all your bitches look like one


same here, also I could cut out allot of the bar and it would still work. filler never helps,

My rhyme exceed's this kid; speed of light rhymes of appeasing glitz'
When I rhymed; you got ghost; and I'll 'bury you in a plot hole' so your life is meaningless


I don't get it. your vocab and meter are ass backwards btw. lots of filler here


This dude's awful; if you're 'feeling blue' you're gloom got ghost
I'll leave you a doomed fossil; when I put 'blue in a box' like blue waffle


this was better but still isn't that good, just less fundamentally lacking.


I'll turn your crew to mince meat; I'll 'steal the show' like split thief
How can you lick these? The tech'll put 'holes in blue' like old swiss cheese

cool


I'm goku's father; bardock with a flow fuse to hold the bombs
I have matics that are sharp; and I'll 'stab you with a shot' like serial killers in photobombs

in shot do you mean medical shots? also this bar doesn't work as a wordplay, its far beyond a stretch, the elastic broke a couple feet of separation ago.

This rook is wack; this is song; my rhymes will hook this fag
My rhymes are dapper; and you're such a 'wack white rapper' - eminem is looking black

once again, fillery. okay bar here

you're weak; it's evident; you were born elite? I'm seeking jargon'
Please, you were' 'born special' - you were born freaking' mentally retarded...

TIME!!

cut off "you were born" the second go around this bar is allot better,

Now here I go; banana knife severing his chin; the embellishment of sin
You lost at 18...maybe that's the age you're wack white ass found out you'll never be EMINEM!


the best bar being last helps wrap it up nicely, even tho it wasn't all that good or original. overall trash wording and meh concepts with more filler than not.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sinacog View Post
Ngl, I bit my whole style from DMS
DMS is offline