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Old 03-30-2015, 07:00 AM   #16
Split Eight
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Soulstice.

thought the metaphor that you were using wasnt readily apparent. it came off as grotesque. the rhyme scheme wasnt your best work, it was slightly mismatched from line to line. A verse I didnt quite understand/ appreciate, perhaps, but after three read-throughs I'm understanding the connection to the topic but not enjoying it.



UnbornBuddha.

wasnt feeling the overall rhyme scheme or stylistic approach, it was clunky (clunkier than Soulstice for sure) due to its heavy syllable count and haphazard flow. The storytelling could use some work, in making your points clear to the reader without preaching down to the reader, and the format wasn't my favorite- but it was slightly more to chew on than what Soulstice provided this week.

Apologies to both for the mediocre vote.

V/Unborn
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