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Old 03-27-2015, 12:34 AM   #5
CopyPat
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Jesus... Buddha I gotta be honest, I had a REAL tough time just laboring through your verse. for one its just waaaaay too long, secondly it's dense as fuck, number 3 the vocab took me out of it sooo many times because I had no idea wtf you were saying, 4th i just found it super boring with no point to the story. that's probably my own lack of intelligence but It just read like a whole lot of rhyming words to me with no progression or sense of where the writing was going. I think you can be your own worst enemy sometimes by just going SOOO intense into the wording that you get away from what you're really trying to actually say. i would personally prefer to see you ease up a little, and make ur stuff more approachable. this was just way too much for me..

soulstice your verse had a lot of vocab as well but it read more poetic and less technical(than buddha). it added to the feeling of the verse rather than take away from it. your story took a common murder type theme but switched it up a little by making it about u and ur wife. it was a solid verse for sure. the way your worded everything was quite elegant and gave me lots of dead man feels lol.. u kept my interest with a more comprehend-able verse.

Vote: soul
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Last edited by CopyPat; 03-27-2015 at 03:08 AM.
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