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Old 07-10-2020, 12:32 AM   #7
Adverse
low tide in serotonin bay
 
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,739
Battle Record: 37-28


Champed
- GWL Picture Challenge
- Guerrilla Writing League
- Black August II

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Thought the beginning and ending were much too simple in terms of both rhyme and concept but think you shined towards the middle I know this probably isn't your best work since you knew you had a free W pretty early on but this mid-section was memorable to me good imagery, felt Eyedea-ish

while the past, present, and the future sit
stuck in my head, is life an internal conflict?
No, I love her, is she better off if I don't exist?
No, I contradict, slap myself until I go numb, the dumb dumb, in a conundrum,
I pacify with my thumb, back to the womb I come,

Decent stuff keep writing hope to see you in playoffs!
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