[big baby]

Painfully hard to read at some points. Gamble: I think you tried to do well here, but came off sounding a bit too high off. We get you connected three with things that come in threes. Cool. A lot of things do though, and it's not by nature, it's just how man makes it. And equation can have three parts, but by the way man has maintained an arena of mathematics, that's the way it is. IT can be done differently. We just mingle with the idea of three. And that's jsut it. You didn't delve. You just stated things that meant three. You didn't dig deep, you didn't present something further than that fact. It sounds far to fetch, but it couldve been developed nicely. That's what writers do. They present something that seems far, and bring it down to their level, to their emotion, to their reality. To share all of the aforementioned factors. You didn't do that here. Mechanically, I think you could use some work. Personally, I know you think I'm horrid, but I actually know what I'm doing, so my advice can be taken as sound. If you give me a chance I could rewrite you verse using your information but I'll try to take it a step further in everything that I mentioned, so you can witness what I meant rather than trying to grasp it by my critique alone.

V: You did better than your counterpart. Mechanically I think you could both use work. Just because you personally think your writing is beyond eyes, in present time they're not up to par. Also, not to attack or be volatile, but if you were really this advanced, chosen creature, then why arent the connections there? The instances in which I think people have better mechancis than me are none. I'm sure you don't think that. I'm sure you think you could improve (as do i, but) why is the concept bigger than what you're presenting. It defeats the purpose, ALMOST. I think if you kept practicing on a humble keel, that you'd improve more than trying to say what you think you want to say. Sharpening a blade is one thing, but if you want into battle with a dull blade thinking you're going to win because you know how to use a blade, then you're in for a surprise. Thanks for the read guys.