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Old 09-01-2013, 07:20 AM   #9
Certain
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,072
Battle Record: 40-19


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- AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)

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PancakeBrah: This was a pretty dead-on immitation of the two verses I've read by Defy Gravity, as far as writing style. I liked the idea of turning it into a metanarrative about the style you're writing in. This couplet was great:

Quote:
There's no rush like extermination mixed with auto-erotic asphyxiation/
Because then I can't waste your time with text based on my phonic limitations/
This verse was mostly just mean, but I appreciated that this was the week, if any, to go that route. Some things seemed out of place, like the Bejeweled line which seemed to break character and into a Zombie imitation. But it was good.

Defy Gravity: This would have been a lot better without the "Vulgar" section. Not only was your Vulgar impression weak, but also it didn't make any sense to include for this challenge. The edit line obviously was the biggest standout, but I couldn't help but get the feeling that this was a verse about PancakeBrah rather than an imitation of his writing style. Maybe that's because you were channeling him through Vulgar, which was a strange decision. Not writing about girls or drunkenness or nostalgia was probably a mistake, though, because he almost always writes about girls or drunkenness or nostalgia. Still, I thought if you cut the Vulgar verse (your references were really thin and unlike Vulgar's) and the rambling conspiracy theory back half of this one, you might have won this battle. The first 20 lines were strong, even if the word choice never quite matched what PancakeBrah's feel would be.

Vote: PancakeBrah
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