[Adonis]

CK - Not sure about ‘sights can taste’ but I like where this is going, solid performance under lights description. So i see the performer half of the verse and loved it. You created a world where this girl/woman learned the craft of dance and battled her way through shit parents who overwork her while berating her. But you lost me on the rape man, caught me off guard as fuck. I get it, its part of this characters story, but I think you could have found another way to express her triumphant success, but thats just me. I will add, kind of like your counterpart here, you boggled yourself down a few times, reaching for the flow because the words were right there. But in my mind, it’s always smarter to not force the flow for the sake of it, but instead build the story or character until the perfect flow presents itself at the right moment. Good verse, aside from the obvious IMO.




Broken - Flow starts off choppy to me on first read, possibly because I’m reading it as long bar, IDK? But…. I do like the format as well as the “Umbrella Blocking Scars” as well “Can’t stop rain when tits licked”. Both concepts work well with topic so I’m interested to see where we’re going. Flow def picks up, but I think you kind of bottled yourself, because while “her shadow script written cares” rhymed butter, I’m not sure what ‘Shadow script’ really means. Another metaphor type line could have kept flow but dealt more meaning IMO here. Alright, so all in all I liked the read, but I don’t think I picked up on the physical meaning of the piece. At certain points your flow was on point with concise meanings, then at other points the flow took over and sort of butchered the meaning, I.e I don’t think someone would actually write those words in a letter and stick them under a pillow, something like that? Yes, but yours didn’t come off as natural conversation, which is hard as fuck to do, but would have been icing on the cake here for me. Again, I enjoyed the read and thought you had some pretty dope concepts per line, but feel like my dumb brain missed something easy as far as verse concept goes.


Vote - I think both had amazing flow for the most part, but felt they each bottle necked at points as well. CK built a character for me, then sort of ruined her for me as well. Then Halo had some individual concepts that really did stand out and I hope he explores that style much more. But with all that said, I do have a clear winner.

voting Brokenhalo

two solid reads, but in the end one was a bit too cringy for me to enjoy thoroughly.