decidedly more off-kilter than (what i think) is typical of your writing. if it's an evolution or merely an outstretched branch that decided to more keenly feel the air on its own, to absorb the scenery instead of reaching for the sun, then i think i like it. i might, at this stage, consciously looking for error in your verse as is my habit, be predisposed to dislike your 'like' similies. cut from the body and viewed on their own as singular, imperfect, organisms -- they are sufficient. good enough. i personally feel they mark (forgivable) dips in the quality of your writing. you definitely have a propensity to use them, but you have no trouble ignoring them when moving between transitory concepts, so i have to assume you just like them. maybe it gives a bit more oomph. for you. there's only two instances. one is in the following quote. anyway:
Quote:
we are all star children that have learned to revolve
full throttle revolver. six-shot Yosemite sharp
the only single animal let into the Arc
china doll. eyes an inky black. calligraphy mark
we're toxic like exhaust fumes and a sensitive heart
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killer. those first three lines were sublime. the idea of celestial bodies/children and orbits/revolving was just an ill line yo. it's sort of ambivalent. moves the mind. it's really very good. then revolve > revolver was a fine transition, i think history coloured the potency of that second line, and in turn, the third.. if i'm not mistaken (on instinct, i just thought yea that was a dope Transformer). the third line was interesting because at first it's like word. noah and the ark. but the ONLY single animal? what really separates man and beast? and that line isn't nearly as effective without what immediately preceded. if i took it correctly it relates to six native indians. idk. everything was great except the transition into china doll and the last line imo. but those first three were deceptively dense. i could go on. i thought the lucid jesus carpenter line was cute too, like zyggy.
questioning myself. ripped apart at the seams
introspection's a blessing.
that's emotion en forme
we're not supposed to be born. that's why it's so unimportant
can't remember you using a loan term before. probably have. just a small dab of existential nihilism sprinkled with some antinatalist thinking. they almost compliment each other. whew. life is good.
so yea you had a sort of motif with the hopsital sheets/wax crayon/line for lunch. sort of. painted the setting without overt imagery. subtle. there was overt imagery but it was more fanciful. impertinent to the setting. structurally this was different. this wasn't watch me rip these rhyme schemes with this list-like composition. this was much more free-form, freely formed, and unrestrained, in ways, it flowed and made its own impression instead of filling a pre-existing void. maybe i haven't been reading you enough lately because none of the other feeds are saying this is different. lol. i enjoyed the fact you're taking the pedal off certain, almost conceited, aspects and allowing your creative/poetic expression to flourish. however gay that just sounded. keep going. you might eventually transmigrate.
+1 on the Plath reference. sad. was reading Hughes the other day. poetry about a thrush but it was more to do with humans than anything. interesting.
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dead man i won't be back.