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Lucipher Howlz: Enjoyed the verse as a whole and the story you were telling but like what people have been said earlier you need to kinda step it up if you want to see round 3. It's kinda weird cus this is the first I'm saying this and actually meaning it but I see A LOT of the same mistakes I did a few years back in your verse that I used to do too which was focusing hard on the story, and as long as the rhymes sort of make sense enough it should hold up. Which is true vs weaker opponents but you need to actually truly focus on phrasing/wording and making sure that you don't hang up too much on the rhyme, or simply start the sentence all over.
A thing that I've been doing lately is this:
This is the example so don't worry too much,
1> but I've been pushed to the brink of such.
2> I've lost focus and fell out of touch.
^ The couplet don't necessarily have to be one way of ending it. And as I keep the first or second option, I can still go for a third. As time pass, an hour or a day or whatever, I can go back and read it over or simply word it differently instead of forcing the rhymes and let the story be the main focus cus that shit will lose you battles vs opponents with an equally as great (sometimes even worse!) verse cus it's such a hiccup it stops the reader in its tracks. A bigger issue than first thought, at least in my case. Dunno if any of this helping tho, I'm drunk as a motherfucker but had to see how you won vs a veteran such as Deadman cus that dude wins entire tournaments when he goes in. In short: You got lucky here, but I see TONS of potential to drive the story a step further, more focus on getting the rhymeschemes right (if you feel like you have to follow it) will help you out, just make sure the sentences doesn't seem awkward.
I'm sensing my decline- stressin' bout my method & the tension is divine-
so without a question I'm depressed while dispensing all this wine-
^This was dope imo.
I have chosen to hold it in, not tell anyone through out my pregnancy-
Especially my husband I'm so cold within, as he holds & stands rite next to me-
^This feels a bit forced/stretched. Longer line but "as he holds & stands rite next to me" is a bit of a hail mary to connect it with the previous line. Creative way to make it work with pregnancy but due to the wording it seems rather forced rather something you'd say in a sentence or read in a book. If you had polished the second line in that coupled the consistency throughout your verse would have gotten better and the feeling for the verse of a whole would have seemed 10x better even if it's just a minor detail/adjustment.
Gotta apologize if I'm being too harsh cus I enjoyed your verse, I Just feel that with the example of "dispensing all this wine" it's like you were slacking a bit on the polishing of the verse when it comes down to it. I used to do the same thing tbh and thought it worked but when it comes down to it it kinda does in a way but definitely don't in terms of the reader and votes.
Looking forward to read your verse in next round, you got something dope going just gotta try and keep it consistent grammar-wise (in lack of better phrasing) throughout. Good shit and enjoyed the read but gotta step it to get to round 3.