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Old 09-28-2017, 12:51 PM   #2
Pinot Grij
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Hey man -- I liked this much better than the other piece I just read from you. More technical display. More unpredictable rhyming, which keeps things fresh.

"I’m not saying these guys are worthless but I'm saying compared to me they're worth less."
I thought this line was really cool.

I thought the whole piece would work a little better if you added more of a sarcastic feel to it and made it more comedic about a loser that's obsessed with a woman that doesn't want him.. but that's just my personal preference.
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