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Old 03-28-2015, 07:58 AM   #8
Mike Wrecka
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- Writing Challenge League I

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gonna give a quick vote here.


soulstice - had a well written verse that I found terribly boring. the first few bars in the beginning felt clunky but it picked up after that. I usually try to make my first few bars the best in my verse. meaning I spend the most time on them. to pull the reader in. yours had the opposite effect on me. but I continued on. and the verse started to flow a lot better and eventually I became somewhat invested. but tbh nothing really happened in this verse. it was meant to be a verse describing someones thoughts. but it was completely emotionless. which seems intentional and matches the topic. but overall it made for a very boring and lifeless read.


Buddha - enjoyed this piece. I really like the phrasing you use. though it is rather obscure like


Entire cosmos become a battlefield for extraterrestrial swordsmen


I don't know what that means. aliens with swords battling it out in space. like star wars level type shit. lol. see that's what I enjoy about your writing. one of your lines contains a snippet of a large thought or idea that I expand into a epic saga in my mind as I read it. that's kinda dope.


that being said though, writing like that can kind of effect the continuity of any plot or story your trying to convey.



you also had some stuff that made me stop and think about how deep of a thought or concept you just delivered like


It can just be synthetic life forms who are incapable of emotion
Would you accuse a machine of devilish devotion?
That’s quite a fatal of a notion since we’re dependant on voltage
Our biorhythms have been hardwired to a regular electricity dosage.



that's a unique and really interesting point of view. never really seen that idea presented but its really deep. whats the difference between us and machines, since humans actually contain electricity that keeps their biorhythms running. wow good stuff



ok gtg



vote- unborn Buddha


really enjoyed his verse. soulstice got lost in the topic . pz
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