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Old 11-25-2013, 05:40 AM   #12
Objective
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Genocide: First paragraph was fueled with interesting sentences and you prove yourself well enough when it comes to the rhymescheme although I have seen more complex shit from you before. Still above average though, just comparing it to some of the other stuff I've seen from you. Flow-wise this shit is easilly read as well with smooth transitions throughout. Beside of the rhyme structure this was on point and made a rather humerous yet serious image bring some interesting thoughts to the table. Definitely enjoy what I'm seeing and I'm looking forward to what more you got in store for us.

The start of the second paragraph shows great promise. Don't really like the sudden change on L5 although I see how ''suddenly formed''/clusters of horns'' & ''better way''/''deadly prey'' works well together, but it still kinda disrupts the reading for me as OCD-like patterns kick in and it ends up with odd-sentence rhymes. Might be me reading it wrong, but it still disrupted it a bit for me. On a different note I enjoyed the ''hunter for sport/hungriest for/ugly decore/stuck to his floor/ shit you got going at the start. Great way to start a verse, and I enjoyed it slightly more than what you presented in the first verse, also felt it was slightly better when it comes to the structure. The sentences are also arguable long but they definitely serves its purpose and it doesn't seem redundant how you keep it going even with the length you're using as the content is strong. Would also have enjoyed somewhat of an transition to L12 (''His years of training''-line). The slant rhymes works but I'd enjoy it more if you kept up with the smooth transitions, extreme nitpicking I know, I'm just saying. Might be me reading it wrong as well, feel free to correct me in a PM or here when the battle is over. The last two lines got the transition I was hoping for and the closure to second paragraph was dope. I can tell you spent a lot of time on this so it was weird to see that the switch up with the transitions stopped as you can still experiment with the flow to not make it redundant which I think you were aiming for without disrupting that pattern. At your calibre I got to focus on something you can work with cuz ''shit's dope'' just doesn't do it anymore. Specially not in a battle like this.

Paragraph three is dope content-wise, but I can't see any slant rhymes or how ''bashed it'' suddenly works anything else beside of the word ''counterfeit'' which just doesn't do it for me. Kinda dissapointed as opposed to what you've presented earlier cuz this shit could have been a flawless verse as a whole in terms of those things and I know you're more than good enough to pull it off. Which is the only reason I'm pointing it out as well. Don't know what it is but even though there's an odd number on it still felt natural while reading that ''several attacks'' it didn't rhyme with anything at the end although ''leverage intact'' was a great transition. To be honest, I think ''leverage intact'' was what saved it, but ye, you already know what I think about odd numbers but you somehow pulled it off here and I might be the only one that takes notice of it. Either way you're back with the rhyme structure, internals and smooth transition which was refreshing as I was afraid you'd fall off with your last two verses. Seems like you're able to keep it up afterall. Could have had a smoother transition to L14, but it works well enough with the internal ish you got going. I guess you're doing this to switch it up and tbh Idk what I think about it, but I notice it. Enjoyed the ''giants grow'' similie. ''Focused'' to end it off with stuck out as a sore thumb, but overall it was a dope verse but perhaps the weakest in your verse.

The first lines in the last paragraph was what I was looking for a couple of places in the third stanza. Definitely feeling it. After reading the whole paragraph this might have been your strongest in terms of the technical aspects and it wrapped up your story (no pun intended) really well.

Overall this was some 9.0/10 kinda shit and I'm looking forward to see what Aero got for us. One of the doper ''hunter hunts the hunter''-stories I've ever read and the presentation was extremely well done, the thing shines imo.

Aero: I don't care if it's a keystyle or not, you accepted a battle so don't come with excuses to why it might come off as wack. That said I'm still looking forward to see what you've written as I know you got it in you to still pull off some really dope shit. You are a top calibre writer afterall.

The first two sentences introduces me to your ideas but I don't know if I'm feeling the opening lines to be honest. Glock shit, ATM and robbing bitches to the picture at hand? Hmm.. Let's see where you're going with this.

So, it's a rape-story, huh? Allright.. I guess... Kind of dissapointed to be honest. You're a lot better than this. And rhyming sun with sun? I'm not feeling it. The story is embarrassing to read as well even though you probably tried to make it funny or something. ''I'm the person to fear''?, no shit, she's already fearing the hell out of him and would rather die than knowing what waits her if she doesn't do something that could potentially kill them both.

Also; How did he manage to get the chick from his car to the kitchen? A lot of loopholes in the story which isn't a great look, even for a keystyle. Dissapointed to be honest and people don't orgasm from a kick to the balls even though there most probably is some weird fucks out there that's into that kinda shit. Allright, she gets out the house at least, but how did she escape with his car? Did she take the keys or something? More info is needed to how she got out and managed to escape with his car.

I tried to read this shit from a neutral standpoint but it's missing a lot of shit, it's fueled with fillers as opposed to what Genocide posted and you can do a million times better than this. The only thing you got going was somewhat of a story that couldn't be tied to the picture at hand and somewhat of a flow.

At least you showed though. I'll give you that. But still; Would have been nice to see you actually trying..

Vote: Is it really necessary? Gah.. Genocide.

Side note: After reading the feed of some of the other guys I agree that some more personalization of the main character to Genocide's shit would have improved his verse A WHOLE LOT. Keep it up.
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