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Old 08-29-2019, 09:52 PM   #9
Pharaohs Army
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14



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Witty:

Tbh I think I liked a couple of your pieces earlier in the tournament a little better than this one. Not to say this wasn't good; but when I finished reading it I didn't feel like I had gotten your best.
The verses kept me engaged, to see where it was gonna go. And I think you did a good job describing her grief and pain. I thought you might have expounded on the part where you said she took her husband for granted, because that seemed like a powerful line.
Good rhymes for the most part. Bit repetitive when you said thirst to survive/ thirsty, alive?. But through most of the piece I have no other complaints. I liked day of chemo/ slay the evil.
Easy to tell that you used the picture given.

Lars:

Your rhyming and meter are, per usual, on point. But immediately upon discovering the subject matter I hate to say it: I just wanted to get to the end.
There were a million different ways you could go with this picture, and a creative Lars verse likely would have taken the title. But that's not how I view what you did. I saw no relation to the picture, other then you ending on never judge a book by it's cover.
I think you should have left the semifinals in the past. But it's as though you chose this forum to rub it in. Not a great idea for a finals verse. Sorry bud, his verse was definitely beatable but Witty takes this one.

V Witty
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