Quote:
Originally Posted by UnbornBuddha
Okay since you asked, I read this and found nothing memorable. There were attempts of cleverness and an attempt of a more feral style, but it came up as uninspired. And your last rhymes were very trite, all -ologies without any manipulation of complex schemes. So the content wasn't enjoyable for me, there's nothing that will make me remember oh this is Quarter O piece. The thing that you have going for more in this piece is the tone, a braggadocio swag, but even this comes off as novice. There also grammatical faults that could be improved upon by co-verbs and simple conjunctive rephrasing. As it stands now, this wasn't anything that is worth keeping. My biggest suggestion is to read some good writings here, and try to find what makes them good. And build on that, create a knowledge basis, this was too simplistic and uninspired.
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I disagree.
"Cuz chicks is harder to come bi like chicks that's strict dick"
This is clever, and makes perfect sense. I like it.
".... they'd save the last dance, giving me big dick privlidge""
nice statement here. You haven't said anything important yet, but the wordplay is pretty good.
"...Legs up - gynocology"
Nice, I laughed at this one.
"Jaden shit, going 'gainst biology"
Good reference here.
overall I liked it. It didn't try to hard, and it doesnt flow terribly.