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Old 07-25-2019, 02:02 PM   #7
Scar
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Join Date: May 2019
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mmlp, oh shit this was fire man. the details definitely summon waves of nostalgia lulz.

Quote:
"They were flying higher, so we shot them down"

This will become my war, I won’t note another response.
The principles I’d die for go above and beyond
with the foes who hover aloft swiftly becoming a threat.
And so the hunting was on from their sudden descent,
looking to end it quick, the bombardment ensued.
Boarding the vessel as they marched into view.
on my first read, i thought this was about pearl harbor or some shit. knowing the context after, it was even better on second read.

Quote:
Seeing a barrage of cruises of grey converging ships,
vast armies of brutes all arranged in perfect sync.
Had made its surge to blitz us once aligned on the ground.
I gained a nervous twitching til I fired one down
then the excitement was out, knowing I obtained a thirst for blood.
That slightly aroused feel became a urging lust
i thought the nervous twitch part was palpable and effective descriptions

Quote:
To be greatly served in floods in my reclusive stubborn ways
as a blaze emerged, engulfing units up in flames.
My space soon become invaded when reigning as champ,
to shoot em’ up, embracing the sensation it had.
lulz nice wordpay. cheesy but it worked so well under the colorful context of the verse.

Quote:
Wave upon wave of attacks, shuttles collapsing in moments
a fatal attraction, but yet to establish the motive.
With only a single axis of motion, my flight was guided prior,
this passion was growing whilst playing in the line of fire.
They were flying higher but my score was rising
my mind acquired focus in the form of silence.
the multies of the first section was insane. i especially love the single axis of motion bit.

Quote:
A roaring tyrant who was destroying all-comers,
law defying thrusts passing asteroids in their clusters.
Turning points, were the number of kills signalling success.
Rejoicing in suffering, I was bitter to the end
but I’d risen to the test of these pixelated graphics
and suddenly it hit me in the head, in a state of panic.
I was a space invaders addict hell-bent on the fight to the top,
that boldes section actually packed much character development in the span of just a single line. awesome.

Quote:
this gaming passion which meant grinding nonstop
then I actually realised what the fuck am I doing with my life?!
I gotta start finding a job when the opportunities arise.
I was foolishly benighted and it brought out my worst.
Ironically, finishing shooting them alight is what brought me back down to earth!
great ending. This verse reminded me a lot of mine. While mine was an obvious take on escapism, yours seem to be about that and more. I like to think that the majority of 80's baby are still in their 2 or 3rd childhood because nostalgia is such a thing now. good stuff man.

master rock, this verse read as a critique of society. I've read many of those before so i hope this offers something new.

Quote:
As I reached for the sky
she said spread your wings baby you can fly
But with a sigh, she gave me a little advice on why,
this all may come with a price
to change the world, martyrs have paid with their life
Lincoln, JFK, Malcolm, Martin Luther, and Christ,
isn't it paid with their "lives"? anyway, cool opener. I like that you opened up with a (seemingly) dialogue between two individuals.

Quote:
even though the times change and in time frames
haters are looking out to finger and point blame
they're attempting to tie chains manipulate you with mind games
whispering you'll never make it, hoping to maim,
make you doubt your chances for advances while they oppose change
they're giving out deceptive glances, with evil intent,
while we're reaching for stars, living on a prayer sent
the multies of the first section were really good. tie chains/mind games was really fun to read. the tone here was us vs them. although it hasn't been clarified who the us are or who the them are, i do like the fiery voice of the verse so far.

Quote:
we're healing our scars while their hellish presence is bent on spitting curses
envisioning hearses,
to our advancement they're adverse
we're free birds so we continue to traverse, while we glide then I hear the cannons burst,
its as though our blessings have been reversed,
then the realization of the bits of darkness brung as the thunder disburse
dispurse usually refers to money and shit like that. did you meant thunder disperse? the pacing is a bit slow. i felt everything you said here, you said in the previous segment.

Quote:
Things seem a bit stranger by each round,
so my spirit questions if we are really living in the upside down?
while they're Shouting, "They were flying Higher than the rest of us, So we shot them down."
falling, I felt the impact thud as we touched the ground after that awful sound
all that was left is the artifact of the truth that was found.
the ending was poetic and i really liked it. the quoted part gave some nice perspective on the verse. "keeping the man down" seems to be the thing here.

both went the topical route, although mmlp teetered into pure storytelling with settings, and character. I think i will give my vote to MMLP. I felt his take was a lot more creative. MR did good too but i've read those types of verses hundreds of time before.
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