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Old 05-13-2016, 12:41 AM   #8
Adonis
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Spitta - "Solipsism" is a dope word, vein, sort of fitting as my title under name no? Another sound read, lets see. I liked the twist on the topic, the fact that you waited for the final bar or so of the first stanza was wise. Not shock value per say, but in the same vein. I enjoyed the imagery of colors, I thought you painted very well. I loved the wording of the closing bars, very nice tough as far as precise wording goes. This verse was a bit more vague then your average story, and I prefer this type of verse over a story any day. I just feel like it gives you more room to play with line concept as opposed to telling a story, you didn't have conceptual lines though, instead focused on imagery and did so smoothly, ending up with a polished work that had the makings of classic, long winded NYC story, but I thought the brevity helped you in this case.

Less - Fucking dead at "messaging my old friend, vivid" @Vividlyvague We miss you bro, we're even writing about you, come home. I will be honest though man, not a fan of this. It felt rushed and thrown together with no real direction on your part. It lacked soul.

V/NYC

the better read start to end, greater substance indeed.
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