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Old 07-25-2019, 10:21 PM   #11
Scar
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nycspitz, very good story here my man.

Quote:
Fatima’s mother was kind of like a mom to em both
cool foreshadowing. i think the strength of this verse was the pacing. It moved and progressed naturally while maintaining high level of lyricsm. the overall arc of the story is rather weird. I don't understand the point of the twist at the end. I didnt' think it added anything to the story and honestly it felt convoluted. Like why, nom'sayin?

i'm not a fan of pure poetry in this type of writing arena. there were lots of poetic tropes like art and brush and colors and stuff like that. though i see how it fits with the picture, tropes nonetheless. the preposition "of" is always the go to for poetic writers/voices lulz and you certainly had bounties "of" it lulz. but i do like the story. i think its about a girl who's voice of the revolution involves her art. love the bite the bullets line.

there were obvious ups and downs with both verses. I think spitz, although imaginative, seemed rather trite. inno had a poetic but i felt he was more focused on profound beautiful wording than translating to readers an actual story. this is a hard one. ok i think i'm going to give this to innovator because i think the poetic voice of that verse worked for him this time against nycsptz's linear novelty.
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