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Answer
Did you spit this? Practice at all back when you wrote it?
I haven't. YET
Syllables counts look OK at a glance tonight. You're a good writer so I'm making an assumption that it'd work. But even if it's good, I don't know how so many rhymes in a row would sound.
With this many end rhymes there's GOT to be some reaches in there, but, let's just say I'm upping again for the culture and will try it when I'm free Friday night.
*Edit:
That is the long way of saying let's give it the old college try. Shit's dope. don't get me wrong with the "sizing up" above.