nyc - this verse was a much better effort from your round two victory...in terms of solidifying all your themes and imagery devices into one cohesive delivery...which made this more palatable to the reader in terms of readability and understanding...keys to engagement...
on the ohter hand Darth came stark with some dark pauses of inner thought, the themes where too lose and airy, leaving the motive and resolution in question...I really liked his opening line
Hi. I don't exist right now, but if you leave your name & address on paper
My bones'll manifest as some form of corporeal reality later.
but as the lines progressed he abandoned that with lose and ambiguous tie ins to it....need to focus ideas and exercise written discipline and spare the loathing...it will benifit both you and the reader...though not a diss...like the texture...
v. nyc
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What is public must be legit, fit for average consumption, don't forget. What is private is handled by pirates, prying loose profits from prosthetics. To tell the difference between: first remain unseen with a steady breath and hope, then listen to the cracks in the wall with a stethoscope.
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