[bleak]

Jah- I would have enjoyed this piece much more had there been an obvious story behind it. Just as a backdrop for the lyrics that you're putting down. You have good writing capabilities, just not enough to make your verse that much better. A few tweaks, a couple lines to serve as a plot line would have pushed it over the edge, but right now it's hopelessly dangling between decent and good.

Split- You really encompassed the feelings behind starting and stopping smoking. Idk if you do yourself, but you recognize the dangers and the want to quit. I appreciated that your piece went through different phases, from totally non smoker to smoker, from smoker to smoker who doesn't want to smoke.

Good reads, but Split had that extra element that got him the W.