[Split]

first verse.
overall did a decent job. some bad lines I wouldve changed/ edited out, like the battle axe one. schemes were competent but not necessarily crisp, like you're forcing it for the deadline/ forcing it, in general. didn't flow super smoothly everywhere- i mean, it flowed but it didn't feel smooth and natural. kinda bulky. the content was mildly interesting

second verse. long winded a lot of the time. great imagery. sometimes the lines were awkwardly worded, but not too bad. in terms of the story, it was interesting but weirdly delivered. like you switched from describing surfing, to trying to make it into a story, but set the scene wrong. idk, i did like it but felt like it could've been even better if edited a bit.


v/ Second Verse. felt very authentic, fit the picture well, and overall held my interest and attention better