Verse 1: There was an abundance of grammatical mistakes in the verse, which didn't take away from some of your descriptive abilities. "Seeing ghosts in a visage of teeth" didn't strike me as accurate wording. "pulsating out the battle axe" read like you just needed words to rhyme, I don't know how a battle axe relates to this verse in any way. My interpretation of the verse on the surface, and as I think about it I will try to further understand it, is the traditional "below the surface" literary diagram taken to an aquatic level, incorporating humans, the soul and the deceptive energies the open sea can provide. Being that it was a short venture and no concept was expounded upon that I could recollect on at the ending, it was a stand alone piece with some amount of weight to it, with minor bumps in the wording.
Verse 2: I respect the notion of an ode to dead surfers, but wasn't wholly satisfied with that direction. I feel as though it would be better to leave the tribute as an unspoken thing, like the ending itself would indicate the ode. Just my opinion, because mentioning something melancholic or the word 'dead' after an enjoyable verse about the art of surfing gives strong contrast, albeit unwanted? I thought this was good. "woke up to waves, slept by injestin’ valerian shark cartilage" - I think I'm predisposed to liking lines like this because its conception via the more daring part of the imagination the writer harnesses.
You both did well with the picture; I almost feel like I wanted to write to a picture like this recently but can't remember where I saw it. Maybe the Smithsonian mag.
Vote - Verse 2
The reason being it was more to my liking and had less noticeable mechanical flaws. It was also lighter to read and knew what it wanted to achieve.
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