[Coup]

zen- first let me say I'm a fan of your OM HOF piece....and its concept...brilliant. that said, let's move on to this verse

I'll be a living legend clinching weapons when rifts beckon me,
I'm threatening with Smith and Westons poppin clips of seven

liked how the clips of seven came out...

And make 'em hit eleven with no indiscretion,
A melody of fits and aggression spraying iridescently
In my peers direction cuz my mere presence has fear beckoning

liked the carry over of the first line form the set above

did not like the bleeding of rhymes in the 2nd line cos with the end rhyme came awkward

then line 3 the same...with "fear beckoning" not working for me..the inner rhyme was too forced...sightly.

lines 9-12 were pretty forced due the set up and the unchanging cadence...did not like


while your mechanics were good, the pacing and carrying over the same root into each line to showcase skill kinda hurt ya...some dope concepts tho. your first line was ill, then imho you should have offered more cadence changes....

n my brethren, That sears impressions in their mind
Til they get the message cuz I'm the kind that gets pissed in a second,
The richest peasant with hints of perfection,

much more of the same...kinda makes the flow choppy with new end rhyme sounds not fully realized from the bleeding.



camp bell

deep in my roots, its about to get physical...
im just speaking the truth, its going down by the ticket oak

clever multi..concept that works well

see, i eat wheaties with prunes til my bowels go in intervals
Z, dude, you reading the rules? bogus clowns get shitted on
fuck you, its sun tzu. gunning out the sun roof of my civic bro
ya front view, pumped thru. son you'll get killed wit subliminals

thicket oak/intervals(creative)...shitted on(?)/civic bro(nice)/subliminal(okay) overall...nice

i tried to come smooth and stay chilled but these bullets cold

bullets cold...now you reaching for rhyme connection lol

overall good concepts and some wit....some rhymes seemed to be irrelevant to swag and put in for the flow....still I think you have the edge in this



I felt like breaking this down like this, not because I'm a douche pseudo textee, but just felt like it.


v/CB