I know there's no strength packed in Flo rist
Yo prick, flower power had its chance n missed
flo wrist/florist might be a stretch depending on accent. cool idea but the general excecution of the punch was lacking.
You're dog food, think u Flo Rida's younger brother? Get real
Is what I told Pitbull just to give my pet meal
another case of an okay flip, but it feels like you put a little too much idea-wise into it with your bars that short.
How many cunts I scraped? Stacks, queer
Flo dont get it - bitch asked me for a papsmear
funny idea, excecuted decently in really shortbar form
Bro, ya lines wet, no power, relyin' on gas spouts
Call me demolition man, I'm battlin pat's house
this was more of a boast/brag line that wasn't bad but doesn't really hit. i try to avoid these in regular battles, save them for flex battles/drops/spontaneous disc cyphers
I coulda modeled this verse silk smooth, conditioned it perfect
but F l'oreal - because you're not worth it
funny concept but not a huge punch
he ain't frightening, I'm rolling thunder he jus rolls the dice
if this cats lightning... its cus he's over in a flash and he never hits twice
could've been worded to hit harder but alright
Your known for stinging eyes with that face of yours - you ugly bitch!
Your so minging that if a girl "eye ronic" << thats exactly what that is
been done, yeah
Im real, you a fake, your a pedo wit an ego ill puncture like a lumbar
I separate the man from the boys.......and with you i'd need a crowbar
okay idea, punchline was done alright but setup couldve added to that
I got that fresh new era style, that gets respect, so fuck the win
whilst your style fuckin common! bitch stop tryin, you'll never be him
cool concept, little lacking in wording
your out of luck cus we are not equal, your a gay fuck an your feeble
mainespitz n you suck..the semen back through the anal canel usin straws for retrieval
jokey line that was kind of a miss imo
lemme say first @
Ronic you've definitely got potential. On old NC i went from badly worded regular text to decent shortbar by the end (my first battle or two on AOB i was still at that point) so when i got some pointers in that UW tourney things clicked pretty easily. you've got a good selection of concepts but at the moment you're not always giving yourself enough space to work with. it's kind of a throwback to older shortbar stuff and done alright, so it reads well but it doesnt quite hit as hard as other shit you'll see. definitely stay up, when i bitch enough to knuck to finally make another 101 thread definitely get in there and work on bringing out ideas, cause you're closer than you might think
Flo, the only big picture thing i'd say about your verse is that your setups could add more to the bar. Like that men from boys idea was delivered a little obviously because the setup ended right on 'youre a pedo'... so it was fresh in the reader's mind when they got to the punch. imo a really effective bar hits the same way a joke would, getting its effect from a somewhat unexpected punchline. like nik-a's ring bar in the SC is a great example. otherwise no real complaints, just a matter of selecting more creative concepts to work with
imo flo hit harder due to stronger wording. ronic's on track tho.
v/flo