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07-07-2013, 01:14 AM

A breathing section where the smoke seems to clear intentions,
Leaving mentions for acceptance a denied state of presence.
A lonely peasant tho the path I shadow S'mine to bear
^^ a bleed rhyme (being lonely peasant)

basically when u bleed the same rhyme into ur next bar that u intend on finishing with a different end rhyme so its structured like (AAABB - where the third A would be the bleed [not accounting for internals besides the bleed obv]) it makes for a swifter transition, but sometimes ppl do it to aid in their transitions and end up really forcing a rhyme with poorly picked words bc they want to adhere to their structure (not saying that occurred here) @Coup

after coup acknowledges this mods can delete bc i dont want to clog up this thread @Genocide @Meth @Sharp Nine - ur all good to delete this now, thanks.

@Storyteller in re: to ur lower post, i feel u on how u approach the whole story, emotion, imagery, then content - but what ive found is that small things like a verb instead of an adjective can totally alter the way a reader perceives it, in affect it actually builds up what ur doing by building down...like using a verb instead of adjective for example, could totally alter the way a reader perceives the content, and emotion bc it transfers more to active voice, while adj are more imagery oriented and passive, so it all effects the tone...im not saying deviate from how u go about writing, but its something to keep in mind when u go to do ur polish on finished product. feel free to pm or AIM me if u want me to address this further
@Just Write - if u need any further clarification on what I'm talking about as far as technicalities (or w/e) feel free to shoot me a Pm.

07-07-2013, 01:14 AM	#12
Rawn M.D. Guest Posts: n/a	A breathing section where the smoke seems to clear intentions, Leaving mentions for acceptance a denied state of presence. A lonely peasant tho the path I shadow S'mine to bear ^^ a bleed rhyme (being lonely peasant) basically when u bleed the same rhyme into ur next bar that u intend on finishing with a different end rhyme so its structured like (AAABB - where the third A would be the bleed [not accounting for internals besides the bleed obv]) it makes for a swifter transition, but sometimes ppl do it to aid in their transitions and end up really forcing a rhyme with poorly picked words bc they want to adhere to their structure (not saying that occurred here) @Coup after coup acknowledges this mods can delete bc i dont want to clog up this thread @Genocide @Meth @Sharp Nine - ur all good to delete this now, thanks. @Storyteller in re: to ur lower post, i feel u on how u approach the whole story, emotion, imagery, then content - but what ive found is that small things like a verb instead of an adjective can totally alter the way a reader perceives it, in affect it actually builds up what ur doing by building down...like using a verb instead of adjective for example, could totally alter the way a reader perceives the content, and emotion bc it transfers more to active voice, while adj are more imagery oriented and passive, so it all effects the tone...im not saying deviate from how u go about writing, but its something to keep in mind when u go to do ur polish on finished product. feel free to pm or AIM me if u want me to address this further @Just Write - if u need any further clarification on what I'm talking about as far as technicalities (or w/e) feel free to shoot me a Pm. Last edited by Rawn M.D.; 07-07-2013 at 01:41 PM.