Topic
Verse 1
Be the barefooted strange girl on a cruise ship
Apple bottom, candy cigarette, her nude lips
Shirt soaked suction tight, clung to perfect body
Provoking your silent awakening, pop a molly
Sail. Over a full moon glowing underwater
Below a sky befallen, darkened for the hour
Floating November misery in seas of lemon light
Swallowing the sun because it stolen the night
Be you. Changed to never trust yourself
Because a mile in you will never trust yourself
this was fantastically written, the descriptiveness felt clod, rugged and dark which i like but also painted a picture in my head, i didn't however like the "pop a molly" part. i did get what you meant and bravo for it but i just felt like the rest was very poetic and that part stuck out, regardless I feel you wrote to the picture very well
Verse 2
Rotten, Smutted and proved to be the worst of three,
The sisters kept discreet while boys crept in to sleep.
Not a whisper did i peep nor did I sputter in disregard,
The utter urgency to keep apart the wanting in others hearts.
Clouding me shards that grey the bluest of moons,
Despair, puking onto the pillows as a purists perfume.
Baffling tunes of men hiding into our darkest of caves,
Shrapnels carving away at gaping holes as targets *of slaves.
Balled and chain not free to flock with the wind,
Animosity sin- a tier above what a melancholy binge.
this was just pure butter flow and i loved the cadence you brought, this was probably the smoothest of the three verses i just don't see the connection to the photo
Verse 3
the empty vase
first steps were made.. on a dining room floor
making it up as they went over the time explored
each tear clings to dirt and falls from a cloud
its weight to much of a burden for pride to allow
this was a proper opening, i liked the last two lines the best
chased ghost's in a potato sack and threw snacks at scoobie
to kill the time while the past collapsed on itself so cruelly
an oasis isn't a mirage if you've taken a picture there
"our future's" a facade as soon as a kitchens bare
scoobie line made me chuckle, i enjoyed this verse but i feel you could have reworded somethings to make the flow more smooth overall and again same as the second verse i didn't see much of a connection to the picture
overall you all brought a little something different and wrote very good pieces but there can only be one winner. i'm mixed between verse 1 & 2 but seeing as how this is a picture topical i'm going to have to go with who i felt played more to the picture and thats
, i'm going to give my guesses as to who the verses belong to too, 1=storyteller 2=patrown 3=coup. you don't have to confirm but i wanna know after haha
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