Originally Posted by Storyteller
Temple of doom my mind only resumes to be coherent,
Half the world cares for merits that dresses their own appearance.
See-
We were told as the youngest of sons to carry the torch,
But more than a plus percentage has only carried remorse.
How is one better for courage when the past is forced,
Then life hits and your at the bottom- taking the crash course.
Folding the pressure- no seat open to stay for the lecture,
Time is the sand the lessens each grasp flexed as a gesture.
Passive aggression which seems to only pass the aggressor,
Taking action is questioned when clawing to the top is measured.
bold opening, i liked the plus percentage line. I didn't get the time is sand line, i think you meant that instead of the, either way that one went over my head. as far as technical goes this is on point though.
"The hardest part is not letting go
It's what your leaving behind"
Now frank only knew how to fend thru the trenches,
Leaving fences half bent cause he'd shoulder down the defenses.
very descriptive here, i like
Minus the classic pretenses- he felt pushed to acceptance,
From being one with neglect.. now giving up knowing none who he was friends with...
I didn't like this last bar, think you could have shortened it up and still had the same meaning, just didn't flow smooth to me
Simply selling the essence to gain claps and unknown satchels,
Kept his chin tucked in the gallows of a discreet betrayal pattern.
Rode along with the masses and circled the globe like Saturn,
But just like the planet he stays at a distance from -warmth in the shadows.
this was nice, i liked the circled/saturn's ring reference. also the following line, dark side of the moon type shit lol.
Never tending to who truly cared only witnessed life being robbed,
So he followed like chalk, outlining every chance that he got.
Noticed the scrutiny that battled for him being amended w/ props,
The act was over, CUT and take two... Now the actor was shot.
i like how you put these together, that 3rd line was a little choppy to me but i enjoyed the following line very much
Killed the buzz over night and left the relief pill on the desk,
He said it'd be hard to swallow but his life was already a mess.
No one cared to see that note so how's one to confess,
When his life was like that paper- written then crumpled and never addressed.
that last bar went hard.
Frank lived for the fame but never for the attention he asked,
So his life was crystal clear till someone took a swing and shattered that glass.
nice impactful closer, not too much, not too little
Sorry just trying to shake the rust off.....
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