Quote:
Originally Posted by Camp Bell
...its the react gawd, playing spades without a black card
with scars on my back from razor blades thats past sharp
but there's no way....this no name, flo lame and has bars
but i've been making waves wit aurelias rage, so act hard
and to keep it 3hunna, satan saves space in his backyard
so wheres the spot for dropping bags yall.....some closet?
im at NASA front office, having a rap off wit buzz aldrin
blasting off in a NASCAR, passing mars when son launching
i caught a bad cough...nah, the pack sparked my munchausen
so just watch the crowd react as i crash all into muns housing
im done clowing, now its time to get down to business properly
its the 'big I' in ya face, designing these plays with monster ink
jus taking shots at Gs, back n forth, scratching off, lottery freak
pushed gin aside for a sake drink......cuz he's not hot as he seem
this a hobby to me, yall 2 laced up, so fuck the props for ya feats
plus lil nik shoe game sucks and belongs in a box with his sneaks..
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its the react gawd, playing spades without a black card
with scars on my back from razor blades thats past sharp
Ok so some of the scheme was good. Opener has a good flow, but no real punch for me. Seems like the same old 'I'm a gangsta and I have been in a lotta brawls' stuff that I see here day in day out.
but there's no way....this no name, flo lame and has bars
but i've been making waves wit aurelias rage, so act hard
There's no way of what? Needs some direction. Again, good scheme, and the three syllable punch after the pause is a good tactic, but the lead up wasn't enough to make it stand out anything special. Aurelia's rage was original.
and to keep it 3hunna, satan saves space in his backyard
so wheres the spot for dropping bags yall.....some closet?
BDG stuff isn't appealin' to me at all, I'm white, and you stole it from Cheif Keef. Would have been nicer if there was some serious wordplay or flip on it. Closet doesn't rhyme with backyard but the idea for the saving space part was good. Needed to be put across better tho.
im at NASA front office, having a rap off wit buzz aldrin
blasting off in a NASCAR, passing mars when son launching
Didn't make much sense or have any relation to what you were saying. Seems like you're stretching a bit, putting in bars tryina make them fit but they don't cohere. But again, if you applied this rhyme scheming with better wording then it'd be good. The flow isn't bad at all.
i caught a bad cough...nah, the pack sparked my munchausen
so just watch the crowd react as i crash all into muns housing
This related to the last part (though munchausen is a stretch to rhyme with 'launching'), but it made me chuckle a bit.
The rest didn't cohere. Who is the 'he' in 'he's not as hot as he seem?' Was more of the same, gangsta stuff. Last line was probably the most intelligent punch in the whole piece.
For me, the whole thing needed more solid direction and to be worded better. But on the up-side, the flow and scheme for a lot of it was decent adn you had a few good ideas.