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Old 07-03-2013, 07:48 PM   #7
Vulgar
Razor-thin derision
 
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Lyrically this is straight. I wonder how it'd sound on a track though because written-wise I would have a lot of constructive feedback towards this. Sometimes your thoughts are unorganized, and/or unclear in terms of the progressing story. I was sort of lost here:

I’m on my gym flow, he said “Whatchu lookin at him fo?”
Click clack BLUCK! Crash my car near a fire hydrant, but it ain’t that simple
Unaware I’m shot and thru all the head trauma
I recognize my killer was my baby brother, “This For Killin Mama!!”
^this made me go "....what???"

Flow-wise, reminded me of Killer Mike or something. I liked the slang incorporated in this, giving it a different flavor than I'm used to reading on here.

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