ease up on the vocabulary. a vast lexical base is more effectively flaunted when utilized sparingly. to lambast the reader with superfluous expressions is not only conceited, it means the art of being succinct is entirely lost. being (relatively) brief, and also concise, is among the most reverential of acts an anglophile can achieve. problem is, as i know quite intimately, he'll be occupied chewing over polysyllables and obscurity.
preamble aside, i certainly liked parts of this, others not so much. i had an apparent problem with your execution, but this was probably an isolated exercise for you. you show promise, just take something away from my first paragraph, saving that, it's first sentence.
pz
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