Netcees - View Single Post - Type 2 He whose name shall not be spokenbetes (S9 - Malachi

namix · 07-02-2013, 08:05 AM

this was a cool read - it's like both campbell and malachi made their case for most improved playa award, and for different reasons.

SHARP: already familiar with his wit, been on the rise a minute and continually getting better on the execution front - primarily in terms of taking already creative concepts and paying more attention to the wording/delivery. good shit brotha. Continue focusing on that man - you have no shortage of concepts, and that is the harder thing for most to come by, so continue doing your thing there, and ask yourself if you've truly supported a concept in a way that the creativity isn't undermined due to the simplicity of its delivery. An example would be the ferris beuller line, or better yet, the GUTS line. The "wordplay" is too simple to stand by itself, but the concept is definitely a throwback and the play could be used in a real dope way if you consider how to introduce a pinch more complexity to it AND consider how to word it in a way that you do all you can to "surprise" your audience with the concept..... Hope that makes sense brother - i just really put a lot of stock in creativity, so that's why i am super focused on giving dudes that have that knack advice on ensuring how to make it come to life --- and you're getting slicker and slicker with it pawtna - again, good shit!

short-lived rulers, my word sees those dethroned
as i spew blues and the abstract truth with mario cheat codes
--- "abstract truth" + "mario cheat codes" = win

a trojan horse, no virus scan just desirous plans of wreckin forts
dont rile us man, we each geeks with gats in hand, tech support
--- this is an example of how you've grown in taking a solid/creative concept and building it out by introducing a bit more complexity - digging it man.

--------------------------
MALACHI - one of the most natural, yet clear, skill progressions i've seen in a minute. Flow wise and, notably, concept wise, you've improved quite a bit AND it doesn't come off contrived. Your steeze is not a 100% reflection of 'trends', you have your own voice in it -- but still incorporate some modern focus points, such as the emphasis on scheme. I like that you appear to be "taking risks" conceptually -- and it will be hit and miss -- but that is where truly dope and memorable lines are born from. E.g. i think "aloan" was a miss and hope this will be the last verse i read a mic jacked son line in --- yet, you had some real fresh concepts and your delivery seemed to change half way through your drop -- and did so in a cool way, like flexing another style (a bit more pointed/direct toward the end where the beginning was more elaborate and had more of a setup/punch feel). I really dug it, like where your going - solid concepts here pawtna!

Concepts make niggas run like bomb threats in the projects
Holla'd at ya girl then she saw sir like unidentified objects
My team deliver rhymes schemes that shock ya ass like nineteen strikes oof lightning
Sly fiends caught biting POP POP they contacts get wet, no visine
I aint never beat'n like acapella
Willin to roc a fell for mozarella
Fucked her egg steller and caught salmonella

------------------------------
CAMPBELL - your flow is getting much stronger from what i've seen - hell, it even got stronger as the verse went on. In a flex, this feedback can be taken in stride, but be weary of "sacrificing content for flow" --- there were a couple times where you were so close to saying something real impactful, and it just missed by trailing off into more (again great) flow.... perhaps its subjective, but I will always consider flow the "cherry on the shit-on-you sundae" --- but without the icecream it's just a bowl of cherries, so i can appreciate a bowl of cherries for what it is, but create a sweet foundation to build upon and you'll be really catering to my taste. Also noteworthy regarding your progress isn't just attention to the scheme, but the complexity of your delivery.... Vocabulary and flow is definitely making your shit more compelling - try to utilize those strengths to enhance a real "focus"/theme/point your trying to make, rather than trying to make a point to use those strengths -- feel me homeslice?

forever doing congruent shifts til im better than uber sick
berettas and bazookas spit when veterans shoot the shit
letterman an dudes from friends mettling in exclusive skits
on my header is clues and shit, in some lettering judas did

Again, good reads and elevation across the board fellas.

07-02-2013, 08:05 AM	#14
namix been that, done there. Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 2,259 Battle Record: 2-1 Accomplishments - OM HOF Rep Power: 85246656	this was a cool read - it's like both campbell and malachi made their case for most improved playa award, and for different reasons. SHARP: already familiar with his wit, been on the rise a minute and continually getting better on the execution front - primarily in terms of taking already creative concepts and paying more attention to the wording/delivery. good shit brotha. Continue focusing on that man - you have no shortage of concepts, and that is the harder thing for most to come by, so continue doing your thing there, and ask yourself if you've truly supported a concept in a way that the creativity isn't undermined due to the simplicity of its delivery. An example would be the ferris beuller line, or better yet, the GUTS line. The "wordplay" is too simple to stand by itself, but the concept is definitely a throwback and the play could be used in a real dope way if you consider how to introduce a pinch more complexity to it AND consider how to word it in a way that you do all you can to "surprise" your audience with the concept..... Hope that makes sense brother - i just really put a lot of stock in creativity, so that's why i am super focused on giving dudes that have that knack advice on ensuring how to make it come to life --- and you're getting slicker and slicker with it pawtna - again, good shit! short-lived rulers, my word sees those dethroned as i spew blues and the abstract truth with mario cheat codes --- "abstract truth" + "mario cheat codes" = win a trojan horse, no virus scan just desirous plans of wreckin forts dont rile us man, we each geeks with gats in hand, tech support --- this is an example of how you've grown in taking a solid/creative concept and building it out by introducing a bit more complexity - digging it man. -------------------------- MALACHI - one of the most natural, yet clear, skill progressions i've seen in a minute. Flow wise and, notably, concept wise, you've improved quite a bit AND it doesn't come off contrived. Your steeze is not a 100% reflection of 'trends', you have your own voice in it -- but still incorporate some modern focus points, such as the emphasis on scheme. I like that you appear to be "taking risks" conceptually -- and it will be hit and miss -- but that is where truly dope and memorable lines are born from. E.g. i think "aloan" was a miss and hope this will be the last verse i read a mic jacked son line in --- yet, you had some real fresh concepts and your delivery seemed to change half way through your drop -- and did so in a cool way, like flexing another style (a bit more pointed/direct toward the end where the beginning was more elaborate and had more of a setup/punch feel). I really dug it, like where your going - solid concepts here pawtna! Concepts make niggas run like bomb threats in the projects Holla'd at ya girl then she saw sir like unidentified objects My team deliver rhymes schemes that shock ya ass like nineteen strikes oof lightning Sly fiends caught biting POP POP they contacts get wet, no visine I aint never beat'n like acapella Willin to roc a fell for mozarella Fucked her egg steller and caught salmonella ------------------------------ CAMPBELL - your flow is getting much stronger from what i've seen - hell, it even got stronger as the verse went on. In a flex, this feedback can be taken in stride, but be weary of "sacrificing content for flow" --- there were a couple times where you were so close to saying something real impactful, and it just missed by trailing off into more (again great) flow.... perhaps its subjective, but I will always consider flow the "cherry on the shit-on-you sundae" --- but without the icecream it's just a bowl of cherries, so i can appreciate a bowl of cherries for what it is, but create a sweet foundation to build upon and you'll be really catering to my taste. Also noteworthy regarding your progress isn't just attention to the scheme, but the complexity of your delivery.... Vocabulary and flow is definitely making your shit more compelling - try to utilize those strengths to enhance a real "focus"/theme/point your trying to make, rather than trying to make a point to use those strengths -- feel me homeslice? forever doing congruent shifts til im better than uber sick berettas and bazookas spit when veterans shoot the shit letterman an dudes from friends mettling in exclusive skits on my header is clues and shit, in some lettering judas did Again, good reads and elevation across the board fellas. __________________ well fed.