Quote:
Originally Posted by John Dillinger
Ya whole personality is giving it up, lil welfare sleazy hoe
Slut’s taken more Shots to the Back lately than that healthcare CEO
cool current events punch. way to open up with the misogny lol
You just know that shit is stank, like a moldy green cheddar scent
Seen this bitch open her legs & been repulsed by grilled cheese ever since
pretty gross concept. don't love it. relating cheese to cheddar isn't very clever
Loud and ugly, no amount of makeup could hide the shame
Ain’t talkin jacking styles when I say no one tryna ride ya Wave
flow is there. not feeling the punch
You should be taken out, of this world, not some horny datin’ shit
Rail u then toss you Underground, that’s word to your shorty Harriet
this isn't very good
Them voters musta been drunk, how u champ a league, some luck dude
Cuz u ain’t Bomb Bae - it just takes gallons of that gin to wanna fuck you
punch is decent but you didn't really set it up well.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Etherwave
Another goofy ass boy coming for me by attacking my sex,
starting my villain arc imma be worse than lex.
not enough heat on the punchline
This nigga John Dillinger a pililgrim, come to pillage like his people.
It's just in his blood and I came to spill it like my equals.
you're setting up an interesting concept in the first bar but don't do much with it. think of each bar as a mini-topical with a point youre trying to get across. slightly different from audio rap verses, while braggadocio and swagger are appreciated, a strong diss usually works better
He a nobody. Imma put So many holes in this boy til he see through.
He already a ghost. He a pig, I'm starting the roast.
This has a lot of potential. Only problem is the wording. It's almost like the bar is inverted with the punch in the first bar and setup/filler in the 2nd. there's no rule saying you can't do this but most lines land harder when you end on the diss.
I'm a wig out and rip out his throat. I'm known to trip without letting shit go. I wouldn't fuck you you should already know, you acting like diddy and it's starting to show.
like the energy of the setup bar. the punch doesn't do much for me, but the concept was ok. you're sacrificing a little bit of execution on the punch to keep the rhymes flowing
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John D. You clearly know have the technical skill for text battles but your angles started feeling pretty redundant after about the 3rd "you suck cause you're a girl punchline". If you battled any male textcee with the primary concept being "you suck cause you're a guy" i don't think it would work. Which is why people tend to vary their concepts. Taking this strategy just because your opponent is female is kind of a cop out on digging for more creative concepts. Don't sell your talent short.
Etherwave. It shows a bit that this isn't your native format, and the thing that is hurting is the fairly unforgiving nature of the structure of the format (no diss, I am have a similar personal experience with text battles). Effective battle verses need punchlines and disses. Over time this became the focus of the form and it standard around the 2-line bar, setup/punchline format that is ubiquitous in text battles now. This is more for practicality than anything, as it helps readers understand and identify the concept being attempted in each bar. Without formatting your verse, readers will tend to get lost and miss the punchlines. Some people will grade your more harshly simply from not fitting the format (more because it makes voting harder than out of spite tbh).
Vote: John D. He had the better battle verse even though it was very one dimensional. Etherwave has a lot of potential but is still adapting to the format. I'm interested to see more from her, but I think her success is limited to some extent by her approach in this specific writing format.