ambivalent (shoutout to eng) feelings about this one tbh
not sure why. lets see if i can get to it.
i like the candour more than anything. eh, more than "like" tbh. its something i find increasingly rare...with everything, period. even the attempts to be honest are dripping in fraudulence. anyway i digress in this bitch lol back on point...
seems kinda raw, unpolished for most part - i like that. but certain wording just throws me off & i dont like.
iunno if its a flow thing, or just that a few lines (the wording in particular parts) seems contrived - which i wouldnt say are excessivley so - but married with the energy of the verse being kinda of a raw - not that deep, but not that shallow, lemme talk myself type shit - expressive one (atleast to me) it becomes more highlighted.
yeah, its the "get off my ass when the moons coming - praise, crazy w words i am - worth damn" those three line i really dont fuck with. at all.
you write technically fine. like, more than fine. very well. i think thats my issue w it - in those three lines it feels like the conveying of the honesty/emotion etc was sacrificed for keeping it technically sharp. its something ive always disliked in 99% who write on forums. so if it sounds like garbage, dont sweat it.
im trying to say it sounds "forced" but actually trying to explain it rather than just cite the usual bollocks "flows good, good multis, was abit forced" etc lmao
i understand its a dance between the two. & you marry the two fairly well here dont get me wrong. & the aim is truly to sacrifice neither, granted. but if im gonna sacrifice one over the other its always always always always gonna be the "technical"...i.e if i phrase comes to me, & perfectly encapsulates how i feel / what i trying to convey - but it doesnt fit the mould or "scheme"...im likely keeping it, fuck the scheme lol & sometimes that shit can hit harder.
& its not due to lacking in one are or the other. i dont. & im not suggesting you do either. its that i value one more than the other.
Quote:
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Or just trying to reveal the deceit that you're eager to hide?
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strong.
resonates. "demons" (whatever that is to you), a hoe, a foe, a opportunist, aspects of your the psyche etc get at you where your weak. shit can be painful - there's a want to avert or match the energy on some grungy shit etc. except, maybe in their fuckery, they inadvertently highlight somewhere you're lacking that you were previously unaware of. perspective.
havocs still on top of me. i just like the way that phrased. the following jagged pill of honesty - same. i fuck w it.
salute, you prick.