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Old 11-30-2024, 11:18 AM   #7
ACTIVATE SELF
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 783
Battle Record: 2-1


Champed
- Art of Writing League

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Goatmilk
I’ll be honest—I’m not entirely sure I fully grasped the deeper meaning of your piece, though I gave it several reads in search of the overarching metaphor. My interpretation is that it’s an abstract narrative about discovering God or reconnecting with a divine purpose. The driving-related wordplay seemed to suggest we’re all on a journey, with the route we choose determining our destination—whether that’s spiritual enlightenment or something more personal. I could be off, but I feel like I’m at least in the right lane (pun intended).

I’ve always enjoyed cryptic, esoteric writing when it’s done well, and you seem to lean into that style here. Personally, I aim to make seemingly sporadic ideas feel cohesive on closer inspection when I write like this, and I think you might’ve achieved something similar. That said, I’d probably need to sit with it a little longer to fully unpack everything.

From a technical standpoint, you incorporated internal rhymes effectively, which gave the flow a smooth ride (another pun, couldn’t resist). The thematic wordplay stood out as well—some of it didn’t fully land for me, but other moments painted vivid imagery. I particularly liked the part where you mentioned not being the engineer; that’s where things started to come into focus for me. Overall, I appreciated the effort and creativity you brought to this piece.



Symetrik
At first, I thought your piece was a little simple, but the more I read it, the more the message started to resonate. My interpretation is that it’s about not getting so caught up in the grind of making a living that you forget to make a life. Your narrator seems to embody someone like a truck or taxi driver—always working, always on the road, trying to earn enough to reach a place where they can finally relax. But in doing so, they forget to enjoy the journey, running themselves into the ground (or out of gas—one more pun for good measure).

I found this super relatable and grounded, and the themes hit close to home. From a technical perspective, your flow was smooth, and the imagery, while subtle, was really effective. There was an understated emotional weight to it that grew stronger with each read. It was a piece that stuck with me—not flashy, but meaningful in its subtlety.



Vote
I went back and reread both pieces multiple times to make sure I wasn’t missing anything and to see which one hit harder after a closer look. Ultimately, I’m giving my vote to Symetrik. Both pieces were strong, and I enjoyed them for different reasons, but Symetrik’s grounded, real-world struggle resonated with me a little more than Goatmilk’s abstract, soul-searching journey.

Goatmilk’s piece was creative and thought-provoking, but I found some lines harder to connect to the larger narrative, whereas Symetrik’s piece felt more cohesive and polished. That said, I think this battle comes down to personal preference—I’m usually more into metaphysical writing, but this time, the relatability of Symetrik’s verse won me over.

Great job to both of you. This was a solid and enjoyable battle.
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